Gus is staring out of the window into the empty greyness of a cold Soho February afternoon. Gliding his fingers across the Cannes trophies he sighs deeply

LINDSAY

I-chats to TANYA

What’s up with Gus?

TANYA

Typing back with the vigour of a war correspondent

He’s been inconsolable since Saturday don’t say anything to Helen but I think he’s been drinking … a shit load

SEZ

Enters office, unwinds meters of home knit from around her neck.

Jesus, it’s freezing.

She looks at Gus, alarmed she drops her bag to the floor

What did you do? Christ Gus, I’m cleaned out from last time… I can probably get you a monkey until Friday, but you’ve got to nip this in the bud mate

SEZ forages for her cigarettes, placing two in her mouth, she lights them, and passes one to GUS who pushes it away.

GUS brushes passed SEZ and out of the office. TANYA, LINDSAY, HELEN look to SEZ. SEZ looks down to GUS’s computer

SEZ

I know what this is about….

INT. SONNY office

GUY is sitting at the keyboard of his CASITONE 701, he is coming to the climax of his rendition of Set Fire to the Rain. He turns, HELEN, RAN, TANYA and SEZ are sitting on the sofa

TANYA

Wiping a tear

I don’t think that you have any
idea just how good you are

RAN

Nodding

I think you have just made this
whole process very exciting.

SEZ, browses the New York Review of Books, looks up

SEZ

I’m sorry but I just don’t think
you’re ready.

HELEN puts her hand over the mobile she is talking in to

HELEN

I’m giving Guy a 6

The sofa groans

GUY

Helen, what the fuck?

HELEN

Shit, sorry, I’ll tell you where I am,
I’m out

RAN

Ah, c’mon, we are not going to crack this
unless we all concentrate

SEZ

As an aside to TANYA

Your so k’nucking Fired.

The great and the grand are emptying out of the Palais Hall. Beneath a powdery pink blanket, nuzzled in a corner, we hear muted celebrations. Under it are Fredrik, Sez and Tan

Tanya

Boss I don’t think you look old…

FB

What? I’m not old… I just got a gold… Jesus Tanya, you should put that shit out, it’s like Cheech and Chong in here

Tanya

Oh I thought you said old… cos of your hair and stuff… yeah, I was there girlfriend, “Three Lions on My Skirt…”

Tanya looks into the lap of her Herve Leger dress.

Tanya

This is bad…

FB

Shiiiit……where have all the bloody lions gone? For fucks sake, we need Helen!

Sarah

You two are a shambles, and it was 4 Lions Tan, come on you banana we have to go back and herd up those cats

EXT. LA CROISETTE

TANYA and SARAH zoom down La Croisette in their leopard print tabards, war painted-and-gold roller skated clutching their snap-out spears. There’s war and menace in their eyes.

Cut to

Tanya is choking a poor Japanese adman holding a Gold statue, up against the wall. Sarah reads…

Sarah

It’s for CGI. Fuck him.

Tanya

Your lucky day sunshine!

Tanya drops him to the ground and waves a stripper-red finger nail in his face

Cut to

INT. TRAKTOR PARTY

The girls kick the door down. The party stops. Both are covered in cuts, scrapes and blood. They walk up to Fredrik who is shirtless on the dance floor.

Tanya and Sarah

Hey boss… we’ve only managed to retrieve a Kitty-gong for animation. Sarah kicked the crap out of some geezer from Bristol

FB(screaming)

Bullshit! Find my bloody Director Lion! NOW!

TANYA and SARAH look like sad hungry dogs at the steamy dance floor. Sulking, they slowly walk back out to the dark dangerous streets of Cannes.

SARAH lies back on the desert floor.

SARAH

Let’s stay here tonight, I’ve let the Winnie go

LABBE returns out of the dark with a shovel.

LABBE

Hey Sezie, you lie there darling and something’s gonna bite ya.

RAN enters, pulling a cap down over her eyes, tightening her jacket around her.

RAN

Can you believe someone let the fucking Winnie go?

Labbe laughs, then squats on the ground

LABBE

Two tears in a bucket, mother fuck it.

SARAH

You two should see this – it’s amazing, lie here and just shut up.

All three lie on the ground staring up into the Milky Way

RAN

Has anyone seen Fredrik?

SARAH

He went to look for some sweets in the Winnie…Do you think Brian Cox is married?

Distant lights and dust cloud of a large Winnebago veer wildly across the desert, inside Fredrik wakes from a candy coma…

ENDS

www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNszOl14AWg

http://www.lovefoodhatewaste.com/

I have thing for really good heist movies and these are my 3 favourites.

Rififi

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0048021/

Le Cercle Rouge

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0065531/

Consequences of Love

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0398883/

www.cambiodetercio.co.uk/

Off Stage puts on theatre in unusual places. ‘Amphibians’ their current production takes place in a disused  Victorian swimming pool.

The Tate  is one of 16 art museums from around the world to launch of the Google Art Project

http://www.googleartproject.com/